You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
