Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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