i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Let's get the cat blown out
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
