Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
