I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
