Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
