Me. At least after what I've been through.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
