I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
