fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I want to have your abortion
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
