I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I have fence marks all over my body
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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