you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
