she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
