Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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