so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize