you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
