I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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