Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
