i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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