OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
