his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
