his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
