no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
