when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
