dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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