why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
