i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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