Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
