take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
