I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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