If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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