i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
