God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Drunk is not a location!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
