He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
