people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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