I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
