I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize