If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
smell my finger.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
