Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My ass is underappreciated
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
