We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
