How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
