I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
