Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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