Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Vodka?
Forever.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
