i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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