He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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