if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
