I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Ladies don't puke and tell
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
