How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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