does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
