Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
