is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I think people are normalizing furries
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
