In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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