I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
