i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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