I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
