after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
