I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
