Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
