Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
