some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize