I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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