and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
