I'm sorry my penis didn't work
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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