Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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