She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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