I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
