WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
