So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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