I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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