Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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